based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
