you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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