yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
