Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
