you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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