Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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