i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize