I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
