all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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