operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is Oprah even human
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