my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
