The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
