You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
