You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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