Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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