We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
