Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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