it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
