Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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