operation harelip BJ is a go
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
