I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
