i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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