If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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