I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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