Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
