Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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