It's Friday. Sex?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
