I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
