Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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