if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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