this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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