Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
