So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
