3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
