Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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