I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
