Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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