my soul wont recognize me after tonight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
