Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
