32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
