I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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