I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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