I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
