You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
