is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
bring money and cleavage
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My liver just had a heart attack.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
