Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it glows. i had to have it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
