Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
