After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
