spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
