y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
