Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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