Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
