dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
