Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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