hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
