A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
