This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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