Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
