I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
