I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
